 As
a result of my anxiety, I also experience panic attacks. I have become so overwhelmed with
fear, at times, I
could hardly function at
all. When the panic overcomes me, I hyperventilate, get sick to my
stomach, and my throat gets tight. It becomes difficult to swallow and
to breathe, and it can feel like I am choking. At that moment, all I want to do is
flee from what I perceive is causing my anxiety. The other physical
symptoms I get can also be distressing. When it is
time for my menstruation, I've been housebound because, at unexpected
times, the bleeding would come in a flood or gush and cover my
clothing. It reeks havoc on my bowels too and can cause constant
diarrhea, and at its worst, you loose total control and go to the bathroom
on yourself. Always anticipating what was to come, I lived in a constant
state of anxiety and fear and have worried incessantly for as long as I
can remember.
What did I fear you ask? Was something going to happen to my
husband or children today? If they were a little late getting home, my mind
would always go to the worst case scenario. Instead of thinking they
stopped off at the store or stopped to get gas, I would think they had been
in a car accident. When I would babysit other children, my anxiety
level would be so high, because I always feared the child might get hurt in
my care; then the parents would think it was my fault; then
they might sue me, and on and on the thoughts would go. I always worried
about my health, and whenever I did have something wrong with me, again my
mind always went to the worst case scenario-- I have breast cancer,
bowel cancer, or bladder cancer. I feared being in social situations, being
alone, and of going places alone. I have even worried about whether
someone was going to ring my door bell that day. When my anxiety is
extremely high, I have passed out in public. Most of the time, I didn't go
anywhere alone and still don't like to. Even now that I feel my anxiety is pretty well under control, I
still experience my mind
going blank at times, and I still tremble and
get nervous and stumble over my words when I'm asked a question, or even
just in ordinary conversation. Panic attacks are extremely
embarrassing can cause you to lose control physically,
mentally, and emotionally. |
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Why Can't I?
It gets a grasp around me,
And tightens up its hold,
A bucket of emotions,
Quickly, then unfold.
Anxiety and fear,
With immobilizing power,
Turn life upside down,
Then proceed to devour.
Some handle life’s pressures,
Without emotions running high,
They function normally,
So why can’t I?
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